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Education Perfectionism

Perfectionism

Fall semester topics

Perfectionism

– Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good enough?
– Do you often put off turning in papers or projects, waiting to get them just right?
– Do you feel you must give more than 100 percent on everything you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?

“If so, rather than simply working toward success, you may in fact be trying to be perfect. Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals. Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen in our society as desirable or even necessary for success. However, recent studies have shown that perfectionistic attitudes actually interfere with success. The desire to be perfect can both rob you of a sense of personal satisfaction and cause you to fail to achieve as much as people who have more realistic strivings.

Potential causes of perfectionism
If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that you learned early in life that other people valued you because of how much you accomplished or achieved. As a result you may have learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people’s approval. Thus your self-esteem may have come to be based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect yourself from such criticism, you may decide that being perfect is your only defense.

A number of the following negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs may be associated with perfectionism:
– Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value.

– Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.

– Fear of disapproval. If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.

– All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations in perspective. For example, a straight “A” student who receives a “B” might believe, “I am a total failure.”

– Overemphasis on “shoulds.” Perfectionists’ lives are often structured by an endless list of “shoulds” that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires.

– Believing that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate.”
Source info: Counseling Center at University of Illinois

  • Coping with perfectionism (pdf)
  • Perfectionism Test: 46 questions, 20 min
  • The many faces of perfectionism

    • Recommended books

    Brené Brown: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead – 2015.
    Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – 2010.
    Jeannette Dewyze and Allan Mallinger: Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control – 1993.